todaytonight&tomorrow

currently "studying", doing laundry, listening to easy tiger, wanting to be home in nky.
-i'm stuck and i don't know what else to study.
-justin is asleep on the red couch and i'm sitting on the brown couch, he keeps saying things in his sleep and it's entertaining with underlying creepiness.
-i just want to be home, instead i have a lot of things to do tomorrow before i can come home, including an ecology exam. bummer.

see you tomorrow afternoon, nky :-)

let me show you something

now, don't get me wrong-i am completely in love/satisfied/happy/perfect with my beautiful boyfriend:

and to me, he is the most attractive thing there is, but here are a few runner ups:

in like 3 hours i'm leaving to go to the airport to fly to chicago to catch a plane to fly to virginia to see my babe.




whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhew i love being in love!
(especially with him)

to do tonight

1. physics online homework
2. ecology paper
3. ecology homework assignment
4. finish ecology presentation
5. start studying chemistry

i've got a long list of books to get, lets see how this goes.

"nog done did it again" every time i think about that statement i laugh

laying in bed, had to get up and turn off the ceiling fan-twas getting a bit nipply in here.
went to walgreens minutes ago, why so late? not so sure.
however, since the time has passed pretty fast i'll wait up until my ultimate love calls me soon. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
OH started making something tonight for him. gotta stay top secret though until the time comes. my mouth is sealed shut about the topic from here on out. i have to talk to myself like "come on linds, don't give it away, keep this secret-he'll like it better"
some unknown power has given me this man who is 100% twisted steel & sex appeal (self-proclaimed-of course, joking around-of course)
oh my my my dear god (whatever god there may be) i love being in love-not even that-i love having someone to be alive with---no no not even that- i love being in love with him.
sry friends, i know you probably hear about my love a lot-but when it comes to you i guess i'll owe you my ears when you want to tell me about it all the time.

revisiting

i once wrote the following:

"The characteristics that I want in a boy do not seem to coexist together."

as usual, I was wrong. For once I have exactly what I want/need. For once I'm not settling for anything. It's an honest blessing to have this boy, not only to have, but to even know-to associate with-to be involved with in even a friendly way would be way more than I could have asked for. I hope his feelings for me don't fade, it'll kill me. Investing a lot into someone else is a mistake that I've made in the past, please don't let this fade.

how is this happening to me? how is this real?

despiteourlives (9:03:04 PM): i didnt dream i would be so lucky to ever get to share any part of me with someone as perfect as you. i seriously dont understand how you exist

aside from being profoundly ill on friday i had a good time laying around without a care in the world. next day allie and i went and did some things-don't really remember exactly what we did but they were things and they were good. allie stayed until sunday and i got to witness two nyquil-induced daze's in her life. that night i sat online for hours and then talked to the one whom i think i'm in love with. day before today i sat around and went to lab for a while then helped angela then talked to that one again until early when i dove headfirst into the saddest string of dreams that i think i've ever had. class, and "class" includes (but is not limited to): message writing, allies paramecium leg contained in her blog, being utterly depressed by kelley's, then brought back up by molly's hopeful one. now here i sit, thinking about love again. thinking about friday: smiles, xoxo's, staring, background noise, intensity, legs under the table, hands over the table-which all translates into total and complete happiness. give him to me.

sickday/offday/lameday

ashley just went to work and i'm sitting in my apartment alone watching maury-the title of this one is "10 Angry Women...12 Babies...Who's the Dad? Part II". being sick really brings out the trash in me: trashy appearance, trashy tv, trashy magazines. i can't wait to see who fathered mindys 1 month old-ryland or scottie?

whelp, being severely over my cell phone minutes sucks. 326 minutes over to be exact. everyday i usually talk to the following people on the phone: mom, dad, jeff, eric, katie, allie, justin. i'm okay for a bit not talking on the phone. but not being able to talk to justin pisses me off-i'm legitimately irritated because of this.

yup, turns out scottie's the father, thats good i guess. mindy is dating him after all. now this woman says that 5 minutes after sex she could tell that she was pregnant..because she had morning sickness... maury said, "maybe you had food poisoning".. she replied with "I WAS SICK FROM HIS NASTY DICK". and he's not the father of her son.. so he's "walking it out".

mmMMMmmmm. that's that goooood stuff.

"you don't ask for bj's, you earn them"

this beautiful man is my boyfriend & i like him just as he is, shirtless and in my bed.


wait, what? kidding.

but seriously he's awesome. the word 'awesome' doesn't really do him justice though. everything that i could ever want/need + more. i can't wait for everyone to meet him. two weeks. he's great, we're great.

aaaaaaaand this feeling is great-so great that i don't even care how strange it might seem, seems right to me.

i HaTe WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThiS.

andwithxthisgun (5:05:22 AM): LOLOLOLIAMGAYASFUCK

andwithxthisgun (5:05:24 AM): AND DRUNK

i love you, angela

oh my God, whatever, etc.

annoyed

dear world,

stop complaining and love what you've been given.


xoxo,
linds

most unexpected received message:

"hey, guess what. i love you."








we look good side by side.

it's raining in lexington, i'm going to the library in a few, i'm speechless about something that was just said to me.

write more later

meet Riley.
-the new love of my life-

there's a few things that people have done that when I think about them I honestly get sick to my stomach, two are worse than others, that's just the way it is. it's fact that when the people you love the most, the people that you're closest to, do something like that it feels a hell of a lot worse than some acquaintance that does something that's perhaps morally worse than what they've done.

I am an endangered species.

it's 8am, i'm wide awake and studying until 10:30, then i'm going to ecology & organic, i come home and have a break for about 3 hours, in which i'll be studying, then i have my physics exam.

that babe will be here on friday and i've probably never been this excited in my entire life.
but, as of now my fingers hurt and my eyes aren't focusing. see ya.

monday/wednesday: wake - work - class - eat - study/homework - read - sleep
tuesday/thursday: wake - class - work - class - eat - study/homework - read - sleep
friday - wake - pick up paycheck - work - allie - party
saturday - wake - work - allie- party - sleep
sunday - wake - work - homework/study - eat - read - sleep

this is my life, every week - the same thing, sorry if i've been a bad friend lately, i barely have anytime to relax.

i'm surprisingly more upset about this than i thought i'd be, maybe i'm just being a stupid girl and writing this off too soon. i thought that once you've been hurt the worst, and let me tell you: i've been hurt in the worst ways, that the rest of the times can't be as worse. yeah, i guess nothings as bad as that was, but it's still pretty fucking bad. hurt is hurt no matter what form it's in. i guess it's true that nobody will ever do me as wrong as he did--but that's not because there's no one as shitty, oh i'm sure there's people that are just as shitty--and they're probably pulled towards me by some unseen magnetic force. i mean, the past has only proven that theory to be correct. but nobody will ever do me as bad as he did because i won't let them. this is why i don't want to be too close, it's always too close. atleast i love one thing and it's this city--i've got it bad for this city and i always will. don't expect me to ever come back to northern kentucky. as soon as i finish my undergrad it's straight to philly, then after grad school it's straight to south carolina, or who knows where, all i know is that i want to be around allie, for the rest of my life. sappy? moderately homosexual? not really, she's the only person besides my family that's never ever done me wrong, what do you expect me to do? i feel like you could put my life in some sort of graph and it would start out at the top then around 2006 start slowly dropping until it gets to a certain low, then flat-line, forever.

i've been sleeping since i got home around 7:30, just woke up and i still feel weird. going back to sleep now, goodnight i guess.

i have a strong opinion on nearly everything, however i don't find it necessary to make my opinion public, because i couldn't care less if anyone hears it.

i miss josh, meeeeep.

i am in love with edward, how does this make you feel? i don't care, really.

i've given a lot of thought to my current place in life and it couldn't be any better. well-- i mean besides the absence of a few important people from my daily life, it couldn't get any better. throw molly, katie, josh, and angela into the lexington mix and i've got it made.

i'm on allies computerrrrrr


daaa deee da

if i had to name one thing that i hate it'd be those people that think that everything is always someone elses fault. get a grip, you're in control of your own life. the things that you do/the grades that you get they're all a direct result of a choice that you've made. putting the blame on other people might make you feel better temporarily but in the end you're the only one that controls your life. if you depend only on yourself, then when you get let down you only have yourself to blame.

I take it in stride; One day at a time
If I ask no questions I’ll hear no lies.

i haven't been home in so long that that the feeling of comfort while i'm here is nearly gone. maybe it's not gone, just overcome by the feelings of wanted to be back in lexington with most of my friends, in my room, in my apartment. i can't ever picture myself living at home again. i love my parents, i love my family, i just love living in a place where i dictate what i do and when i do it. i just don't like it up here as much as i used to.

today was the longest day ever, class 9-2, work2-5, class 5-7. i had to basically run to work from the complete other side of the campus and i hadn't eaten yet, i felt awful. on top of that i had the worst headache i've had in a while. john being the babe that he is made me lunch to take to work, it was nice. i just got rid of the headache about an hour or so ago. no class tomorrow, going home this weekend. nothing to do at home//everyone that i hang out with will be in lexington. i haven't even left yet and i can't wait to get back to lexington.

l-o-v-e-l-i-f-e

i hung out with Allie tonight and let me tell you something--she is my heart and soul. her and ashleys apartment is so cute. i'm feeling strange, i feel good and bad. school is starting tomorrow, but it doesn't feel like it. to top things off i don't know where my phone is. awesome. tara finally moved in and i'm happy, but she's homesick. i wish she'd feel better. i'm so busy tomorrow: work then school, multiply that by two. john's cute. i don't really have anything else to say.

"stupid games are for stupid people"

I sat and stared at the sky.
I knew I'd find myself there again.
I wonder how else to cope with the air.
the air that brings me this luck.
I'm unlucky...that's just me.
seems what used to be has changed.

I feel it coming again,
I feel it coming with the wind.
I feel it coming again,
I feel it breaking with the wind.

and I know,
I would feel it again if I just played along.

there's a lot of things that i believe in, thank you very much.

tell me why i'm getting blamed for breaking everything up because i moved away for school, because i did what we all said we were going to do while everyone else backed out. i gave up a hell of a lot for school, i rarely talk to everyone who used to be my best friends before i left, i never see my family. at least i can say that the relationship that i was in wasn't ruined by the distance that i brought on--he cheated on me no matter what city i was in.

it's 4 in the morning and i'm watching dawsons creek. i've never actually watched this show and i'm beginning to realize why. i've been on this couch since about 6pm, give or take getting up a few times. fell asleep at 6, woke up at 11:30, eric came over, ashley went to bed, i rented a movie--it's now over and i'm still wide awake. i feel like i've slept away these past few days, migraines kill me. despite only functioning when i have to go to work and being an all around waste of space for the past few days i'm so happy with life right now. i feel like it's getting better, i'm excited for this time to pass.

i do/say things that are dumb sometimes.

Shes a good girl, loves her mama
Loves jesus and america too
Shes a good girl, crazy bout elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too

i know that i had sworn that i'd never trust anyone again but i didn't have to.

no stress
no stress
no stress

if you're lookin' for love, then i'm lookin' for love.

i love my friends.

seaofumbrellas (1:38:50 AM): I just love you so much I can't hide it

young mollz (2:12:19 AM): I just wanted to say I love you and miss you

young mollz (2:12:25 AM): Goodnight

i've always wanted to stand in a lake full of cranberries.

i am extremely happy, excited, anxious... i love life.

i try really hard to be positive--every minute of everyday. hard times come and go, i get through them. we can all get through them and move on. some things and times are just harder than others i guess.

so tonight was cool. laid back and nice. today i woke up and drove to class in a rainstorm, realized that class was canceled, then came home, picked up ryan, and ran a lot of errands..which was good because i had so much stuff that i needed to do. i came home, studied a little bit, modge-podged a little bit while watching a movie. around 5 or so Ashley got home and we went to walgreens then came back and dyed my hair. John came over while we were dying my hair and hung with Ryan until i was ready then we went and bought discs and played disc golf at the park until it got really dark, we then decided to go look for a swingset which we were sure was there, but it was too dark to see. then we saw one as we were leaving at a church, went over there--found out it was lca and we couldn't swing there. soooooo we went to woodland park, found the swings then hung out and walked around for an hour or so. we went to Johns, until 12:30ish then came back here, let the dogs out, ashley was already sleeping, ryan went to sleep. i wasn't tired and neither was John so him and i sat out on the porch steps and talked about every topic that has ever been thought to talk about, went to sonic and got sweet teas, then came back and talked some more. talking with John has made me realize that i'm maybe not as crazy as i thought i was, turns out that he thinks about a lot of the same weird things that I do. the next thing we know its 5AM. i can't think of the last time that I had a 5 hour conversation one-on-one with someone that is so good that we didn't even notice the time going by. it was good, he can hold an intelligent conversation and people like that you don't see very often.


i'm not sure why i wrote such a detailed summary of what i did today, i guess it was just a good day.

you know, it's a lot like when you get really excited about going somewhere but once you get there you realize that it's not as cool as you thought it was, the whole time you're there you know that you want to leave but you're stuck there for a while, after you get home you wish you never would have gone. it's like that, but for a few years.

you know, i'm not a very hard person to read. nor am i a very hard person to please. these are things that everyone should know about me. i'm letting the past be the past and leaving a lot of things behind, which is necessary every once in a while. a chapter in my life is over and a new one is beginning, i like the feeling. people have lost my trust, respect, and admiration and i wish that they wouldn't have, these aren't things that i can help. i don't want to be involved with certain types of people and it's upsetting that some people that i cared so much about have turned into everything that i can't stand. upsetting, but never changing.

what will you do when there's no one to fall back on? i won't be there, i've learned my lesson.

last night was absolutely ridiculous. i say "last night" like we don't do the same things every night. rephrased: my life is absolutely ridiculous. i say and do things that make no sense. the second that words leave my mouth i immediately regret them. to make things worse, or following the trend of this post, more ridiculous, when i was falling asleep i was on the phone with the one that i swore i'd never talk to again.

i'm well aware that the things that i do have no legitimate reasoning, and i tell myself that i'm going to stop, then i don't stop. repetition and habits rule my life, not in a positive way either.

i've got my head to the sky, my feet on the ground.