everytime that i get an e-mail and it's not from justin i get a little more upset. it's a mixture of me missing him and me worrying about him. everytime that i send him an email it gets sent back to me saying that it couldn't be delivered-in other words, the navy is bullshit and the email system on his ship is down. atleast that's what i'm assuming, because i know that he is trying to email me, i know that he is. he would never go a whole day-let alone 4 days now without emailing me, he loves me too much for that. therefore, the email on his ship better be down because i swear to whatever god there may be that if something happened to him i would fucking lose it. that's the scary thing about someone being in the military-it's not like you and i where if we don't contact someone for a bit everything is most likely okay and we just don't want to... with justin, if he doesn't email me or call me it's because something is stopping him from doing so-he would never ever just not write me. chances are that he is probably going nuts like i am wondering what the fuck is wrong with the ships email and worrying about me like i'm worrying about him. i wish that i could just know that he is okay. i mean-i know that he is okay, because if he wasn't i'm sure that i'd know somehow. okay lindsey, stop rambling and don't jinx things. " justin is okay, the email is just fucked up, he will write soon." i tell myself everytime that i check my email and there's nothing from him. i'm so fucking sad here without him, and now without even hearing from him. i can survive on emails and rare phone calls and now i'm forcing myself to survive off of thoughts that he's thinking of me, wherever he is. i'm acting like an idiot and re-reading everything he sent to me before the email fucked up. i can't believe that he's gone until october, i can't wait for him to get back. i feel like i'm trapped in some sort of shitty sandra bullock movie where i'm in love with someone and he's in love with me but we just can't get to each other. it's okay for me to be sad, i love my boyfriend and he's not here.

i need to nap because its 5:40AM and i have to get up for class at 6:15

FML.

goodnight,

lonely girl.