could someone tell me why, three weeks after my surgery, my nose continues to bleed. i tell you what; surgery in your throat sux-if i have to deal with chronic bloody nose i'm going to go insane. its sunday night, well-monday morning and i don't have school tomorrow. awesome. what i do have to do though is buy my books among many other things.
tomorrow will include, but is not limited to; book buying, talking to justin, getting a new tire, catching up in microbiology, lab prep for organic, cleaning, & taking out a hell of a lot of garbage.

i wish someone would just bring me my books so that i could do homework and get stuff done without having to leave the warm comfort of my apartment. it's so cold outside, there's a good amount of snow down here currently, which probably means that the roads are bad, which i hate.

justin is getting ready to go on a month and half underway, which means that he will be out on the ship somewhere in the atlantic and the only means of communication we'll be able to have will be emails whenever he can, which may mean 20 a day, 1 a day, or 1 a week for all i know. god this is going to suck. don't get me wrong, i love all of my friends and am thankful that i have them to talk to, hang out, etc.. but i don't know what i'll do without justin.. i guess i'll have no excuse to not do well in school this semester. who am i kidding? i'll probably slosh around my apartment and watch movies on tv all day/everyday and continue to surf the internet and buy tv series, songs, and movies off of itunes. which is pretty much what my life consists of these past few days.

currently justin is making breakfast. i'm real tired. i don't want today to end.

hahahaha justin this is for you, you prob won't be able to see it unless you're on an actual computer and not your phone.

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as of today i have had the best boyfriend for two months.


:-)

i can honestly say that 15 minutes ago i was in the worst pain that i had ever felt in my entire life. i thought i was okay all day today but then as i was about to fall asleep i guess my pain medication wore off and the pain in my throat and ears made me literally want to die. i tried to swallow the pain medicine and it hurt more than anything i have ever felt before. i ended up sitting on the kitchen floor crying (which hurt to do) for about 10 minutes. hydrocodone is the only thing keeping me from absolute agony. fuck being an adult and having your tonsils and adenoids removed. why couldn't i have gotten it done when i was a child and it would have been easier?

i've been a complete and total waste of space since monday. the only thing that i've done is transfer my body to the couch from my bed, and vice versa. also, due to feeling shitty (which isn't an excuse), i've managed to start a few arguments with my boyfriend as well. which is not a good accomplishment, and exactly what i did not want to do. i wish that i could ask for my money back and put my tonsils back in. well not really-maybe just wish that i didn't have surgery. i hate feeling bad/not being able to do anything/not being able to eat anything(hard times for a fatty), and more than anything i hate that i'm not on the way to virginia right now. the distance is hard-but i knew that it would be going in to this. it's harder than i thought, but i know that it is completely worth it. i look at my life differently now. finishing school isn't even what i think about when i think about my life-i mean obviously i would like to finish school and get a decent job, but more than anything-and i mean absoultely positively more than anything i cannot wait for these next two years to go by and to be in a place in my life where i am totally happy. this includes, but is definitely not limited to; having my own place with justin and riley, having a stable job, being able to do whatever i want, whenever i want. you know, to be quite honest, i would be perfectly happy just knowing that i could see my boyfriend whenever i wanted, being able to call him and say simple things like "hey on your way home could you pick up (insert random thing here)..." god, i want that more than anything. look at me being the typical girl obsessed with her boyfriend that i've always loathed, writing in my blog about him, having pictures of us together on social networking sites. well, i've never been that girl with any relationship that i've been in and i still judge others when they do the same thing. hypocritical i guess. i have never been that girl most likely due to the fact that i have never been this happy in a relationship. i have never felt this love before, i never ever knew that someone so perfect existed, i had no idea that there was someone out there that was made for me, made exactly for me-a perfect fit. think of any positive adjective and that is how i feel right now, that is the status of my life- and that is completely and totally attributed to one person. i wish that everyone could have a chance to feel like this, and i am so lucky that i do. i know that my friends will find the other person that makes them feel complete like this, i know they will-and when they do, i will listen to them talk about how happy they are because of it and i will be genuinely happy for them.
besides the vital need to see my boyfriend, i need to see my friends. it's sucked for days being asked to hang out and me having to say that i cant in fear that my throat would "rupture" or something and bleed all over the place. kelley, molly, and katie: when i feel 100% we are going to hang out all day and enjoy the biggest meal of all history together, because jello just isn't cutting it. allie: when i get back to lexington we are hanging out as well, and you are staying at my apartment for days and you are going to say zany/creepy things on accident all the time because it's what we do.
i have to find a job when i get back to lexington, fuck being employed. i want to lay around all day and night and have everything given to me, but isn't that what everyone really wants? riley is getting big. he's so cute. he's getting neutered on monday, and i'm really worried. i will probably be panicking the entire time that he isn't with me and pampering him when he is home. for some reason his breath has smelled like doritos for a few days, yet he has no access to doritos-nor is there orange residue on or around his mouth. what a strange thing. he's having a dream right now, that is cute too.
speaking of dreams, i think that i don't snore anymore since this surgery. mi madre says that she hasn't heard me yet! i am beyond excited about this, moreso excited that i wont be sick nearly as much. i can't wait to wipe out my computer and restore it to how it was when i got it. complete crap is what it is now.
i'm going to sleep, i think tomorrow i'll chat with justin all day and somewhere in the midst of that i'll go to kroger, then to the hospital to get a prescription refilled, then maybe-just maybe, i'll use some christmas money to get some v-neck t's offline. (the earlier things will of course depend on whether or not my dad deems me fit to leave the house). i think maybe tomorrow i'll attempt to eat something that actually tastes good, maybe some soup?