revisiting

i once wrote the following:

"The characteristics that I want in a boy do not seem to coexist together."

as usual, I was wrong. For once I have exactly what I want/need. For once I'm not settling for anything. It's an honest blessing to have this boy, not only to have, but to even know-to associate with-to be involved with in even a friendly way would be way more than I could have asked for. I hope his feelings for me don't fade, it'll kill me. Investing a lot into someone else is a mistake that I've made in the past, please don't let this fade.

how is this happening to me? how is this real?

despiteourlives (9:03:04 PM): i didnt dream i would be so lucky to ever get to share any part of me with someone as perfect as you. i seriously dont understand how you exist

aside from being profoundly ill on friday i had a good time laying around without a care in the world. next day allie and i went and did some things-don't really remember exactly what we did but they were things and they were good. allie stayed until sunday and i got to witness two nyquil-induced daze's in her life. that night i sat online for hours and then talked to the one whom i think i'm in love with. day before today i sat around and went to lab for a while then helped angela then talked to that one again until early when i dove headfirst into the saddest string of dreams that i think i've ever had. class, and "class" includes (but is not limited to): message writing, allies paramecium leg contained in her blog, being utterly depressed by kelley's, then brought back up by molly's hopeful one. now here i sit, thinking about love again. thinking about friday: smiles, xoxo's, staring, background noise, intensity, legs under the table, hands over the table-which all translates into total and complete happiness. give him to me.

sickday/offday/lameday

ashley just went to work and i'm sitting in my apartment alone watching maury-the title of this one is "10 Angry Women...12 Babies...Who's the Dad? Part II". being sick really brings out the trash in me: trashy appearance, trashy tv, trashy magazines. i can't wait to see who fathered mindys 1 month old-ryland or scottie?

whelp, being severely over my cell phone minutes sucks. 326 minutes over to be exact. everyday i usually talk to the following people on the phone: mom, dad, jeff, eric, katie, allie, justin. i'm okay for a bit not talking on the phone. but not being able to talk to justin pisses me off-i'm legitimately irritated because of this.

yup, turns out scottie's the father, thats good i guess. mindy is dating him after all. now this woman says that 5 minutes after sex she could tell that she was pregnant..because she had morning sickness... maury said, "maybe you had food poisoning".. she replied with "I WAS SICK FROM HIS NASTY DICK". and he's not the father of her son.. so he's "walking it out".

mmMMMmmmm. that's that goooood stuff.

"you don't ask for bj's, you earn them"

this beautiful man is my boyfriend & i like him just as he is, shirtless and in my bed.


wait, what? kidding.

but seriously he's awesome. the word 'awesome' doesn't really do him justice though. everything that i could ever want/need + more. i can't wait for everyone to meet him. two weeks. he's great, we're great.

aaaaaaaand this feeling is great-so great that i don't even care how strange it might seem, seems right to me.